Crash & Burning

Sleep, fatigue, shaking, nervousness, all from withdrawals from steroids and Chemo.  Can’t manage simple tasks barely brushing my teeth.  According to my Dr. just 3 weeks out feels like time is standing still, again….My dogs love it.

CANCER FREE!

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Yes! received the news after results of pet scan.  Although my reaction was more like a sense of quilt.  my emotions were my Father’s, humbled….  With so many ill, suffering, dying, and Im at a place where all of us share one thing in common; Cancer.   No regrets,  almost conscience stricken.  I’ve had a couple of days for it to sink in,  Im thankful to God my almighty father, and wish so many could get this type of news. (Lisa, a dear friend) I have discovered so much about myself.  I will embrace life fearlessly and I  have discovered I do not wear my emotions on my sleeve. “I am my Father’s Daughter”

This road has not ended I still taste and feel this Chemo in me and its been 4 weeks I sleep 12 hrs. at times(broken) and THANK GOD IM PAIN FREE!  Just last night while showering little hairs still falling out reminding me of the hideous poison still in me.  I  will be required to have a Cat Scan every 2 months for a year to assure these cells don’t reappear in the Lymph nodes.

God Bless & Be well

Fatigue, Fatique, sleep all over the place. Death in Family. RIP Anna Tovar

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This isn’t for sympathy. This is Cancer/Chemo at its true form.

very emotional just buried my cousin Anna who died too young Anna Moreno Tovar. Although she was my cousin I called her my sister” This Cancer kept us apart but we always manage to say I LOVE YOU right before she was admitted to the Hospital. And that, I’m thankful for. 😦

Im sleeping all over the place my naps are usually 2-3 hrs. Cant spend time out or I’ll fall out. Can’t ride in cars because I get dizzy. Difficulty typing cause hands shake. BIG TEST coming up May 15

Pet Scan Glucose. I’m gonna be lighting up like a glow worm. They are looking to see if Cancer gone or hanging around. I look really ill, but sometimes I do have a average day and don’t prefer wearing beanie or hat. My Daughter or Husband dont mind when I take it off so I do sometimes in the stores but stares are too overwhelming I just want to scream! I KNOW I LOOK SICK/BAD! PHUCK OK ALREADY. Now I just smile and follow them. AHA-hahahahah

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RIP my sister.

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My sweet Uncle who lost a Daughter and his caretaker.

6 and final round. Excuse my absence.

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Well just went through my final round yesterday. According to my Dr. the most aggressive so far, so Im gritting my teeth. Dr. says more tests to determine if Cancer has been mopped out or if some cells hanging around. Its a rare cell. She also mentioned 2-3 months before feeling human again. Thats such a toll but feel a little at ease no more Chemo. Well please forgive my lack of blogging have had vision problems and whats called hmmmmm! shoot! forgot the name. (chemo brain) causing forgetfulness, anyways it looks and feels like Parkinsons Disease pinky and thumbs shake constantly making it difficult to type or text. Love to all my family and friends. Miss my Cousin Anna with all my heart she is very ill and not expected to recover makes me sad beyond words. Thanks to Lisa for my beautiful flowers, LAX Thanks Kathy!for my Huge flowers my room smell Devine. And Joann for the cream puffs. Niki my gracious sister for always being there, subjecting herself to the agony. Just like Bruce

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Nervousness, anxiousness, manic.

Where’s my Ativan? Did I take one already? can’t remember. Up until 4:00am 48hrs before Chemo round 5. I have so much to do. this monkey wrench (no sleep) doesn’t help. Kennedy has no clean whites, no food, need to go to Market, pay bills, Dogs need walk! and what the Phuck! ‘What about my Pedi?
Besos

Chemo round 4, 12 days post.

Well this crap is all over the place! Its like every other days is HELL! 12 days posts and still kicking my ass! I make myself walk and when I can’t Bruce or Niki walk me. Its all about creating new cells. The taste is grotesque, horrific. Stays in your system like throat and taste buds.
Love and Besos to all.
M

Chemo rd. 4 with complications

8 hours at city of Hope what was suppose to be 3. So many issues! most importantly is the enlarged Liver. some changes made to meds. and diet. Note: to everyone. Take your fish oil! Foods have to be cooked super Hot! no eating out, for fear of Bacteria Just don’t know who NOT washing there hands while preparing your food. specially at Buffets(which I don’t practice anyway) Grass fed beef always. Any bacteria can lead to Hepatitis. The good news my Heart is excellent. But, chemo/steroids has me living in a Vortex, maddening at times I want it to stop! Depression is over the top. : (
Sorry I couldn’t bring better news.
Besos to my Friends & Fam